Rambling Thoughts...

Okay...

I don't know... How to describe what I'm going through right now...

I'll just type away what comes out...

I feel happy, sad, and agitated all at the same time??

I feel like crying but with a smile upon my face...

I feel like laying down resting my aching stressed-out body...

But I... *sigh*

I guess, I know what causes these stirs of emotions...

I just refuse to acknowledge it...

It's so sweet... like chocolate...

Too beautiful... too delicious...

But too much of it can leave you sick...

*chokes up*

I hate getting emotional...

I hate it!!! I HATE it!

Damn it, where are the tissues!!

Oh, it's getting hot in here... 

I need some fresh air...

*sniff*sniff*

*****

Why there is so much injustice in this world??

Why do innocent people have to suffer?

More importantly, why do I care???

WHY DO I CARE???

I hate this feeling!! I just feel all choked up and helpless...

There are so many things I wish I could do... 

But I can't... I'm helpless...

I just cry...

And feel even worse...

*****

There is so much beauty in this world...

I don't always see it...

I'm too busy taking it for granted...

The rare moments when I slow down or when I'm hurt...

Is when I realize I missed so much...

I wasted years of my life just not being as productive as I wished...

People shower me with mountains of applause and compliments...

But I don't see justice...

I know I can give out more... 

But I don't...

I'm too afraid...

But why am I so afraid?!!!

What is it that others have and I don't?

I know I am far better than so many, but they have reached far much than I did...

Why???

Am I so slow?

But is it speed I need?

Are we in a race???

Am I being the bunny and they're the tortoise? 

Have I been sleeping my way to success?

Perhaps so...

But my egotistic confidence have long gone...

I'm too confused...

Too scared to move another square...

I might go back to the first again...

*sigh*

*****

I need to have faith...

Keep what's buried under all these demons...

And get even more...

I need to be stronger...

I'm too sick...

Too sick of keeping my eyes shut...

Too sick of these heartaches and anxieties...

Too tired of being too tired...

Great... Now I have a headache...

Hee hee that made me smile...

Okay... 

Enough venting...

*Takes a deep breath*

_________________________________________________________

Image source: Beauty Scars

Dusting Off, Already??

Picture taken today

Good morning!! How's everyone doing in this time of year? ;D

The time of dust and (soon) Sarrayat??

In the past few days, I've locked myself at home (not deliberately; I just didn't have anything to do outside), so I missed most of the worst of the dusty weather, but even with staying home, I could still face the outcomes of those tiny little specs of dust!!

It's just AMAZING how dust covers everything in what seems like the speed of light! Freshly wiped surfaces quickly swift into surfaces that seem to have not been dusted off in weeks! *cough!*

I could smell the dust everywhere! I could feel it on my face! I feel like dusting off everything in the house just to let all the dust come out! *cough!*cough!*

But if there's one thing I love about dust, is that it smells so incredibly addicting when it's mixed with water.... oh... my... God... I just LOOOOVE that smell!!!!

I always feel it should be made into a perfume! heehee

Picture taken a few days ago

But today seems like a good day! The dust is visibly wearing off (it's still there, though), and hopefully it will be even better in the next few hours.

However, that doesn't mean it's off for good; this type of weather is tricky and unpredictable, so be careful.

I hope everyone takes care during dusty days, especially those with respiratory problems, try to stay away from dust as much as possible.

Aaaaannnd for Allah's sake!!! Stop "complaining" about the weather, people! It's Allah's doing and he knows best! And in case you didn't know, dust has many benefits! Go educate yourselves!

Peace!!!

Purina Ad Made Me Cry :'(

I'm in tears now...

I never expected to be crying while watching this:





I miss having cats around!!! :'(((((

Happy National Spirit Continues + Special Thanks

Happy Liberation Day! 

Hope everyone is having fun celebrating! 

How's everyone celebrating the national holidays? :D Where did you do yesterday? What are your plans for today? I wished to attend the Maseera yesterday, but due the rainy weather it was canceled, so we stayed indoors. Saturday is our weekly family gathering, so for sweet time we made sure to celebrate with special patriotic delights!

For those of you who follow me on twitter, you might have read that I've been craving some Chocolateness!! Yep, those super delicious pieces of love! So, I HAAAAAD to have some for today! I just loooove those yummy little monsters! In celebration of the country's beloved festivities, Chocolateness is having a wonderful offer, for any 10 K.D transaction, you get half a dozen FREE! Isn't that awesome, or isn't that awesome? ;Pp Perfect for gatherings indeed!!

Mmmmm... Mmmm.... Mmmmmm!!!!! Aren't your mouths watering just by looking at the picture? 

*heart-drop*

Besides those killer monsters, we also had two cakes, one from Mr Baker (الخباز) and another from Cake'n'Bake. I'm not a big fan of Mr. Baker's (since I've had enough of it each and every week for yeeeeeaaaars), so I was eager to try the Cake'n'nBake's for a change, (especially since it was decorated with the flag baring the symbols our beloved countries, God bless 'em ^_^). It was good. But I'm not a cake lover to begin with, so I cannot really judge.

Even though I didn't go out (as I wished), I still enjoyed the day. I was too busy snapping pictures and sharing my humble writings around. My previous post received great feedback, thanks to Allah, which highly encourages me to keep practicing and write more in Arabic. But the most AWESOME moment of the day definitely has to be the special surprise I received from my all-time favorite magazine, Bazaar! I was completely taken aback by their little bomb-drop! hee hee They featured my special national celebration post on The Bazaar Daily!!! ;D I was super ecstatic; I literally started screaming of joy!! So, again, thanks to the wonderful team of Bazaar, you guys ROCK!

And thanks to all of you my beloved silent readers, and those of you who share their thoughts with me either here or elsewhere; you help a great deal in making an aspiring writer step even faster on the ladder of her dreams! God bless you all!

So what are your plans for the today? Going out? At the chalet or desert (or Dubai)? Staying indoors watching TV coverage? Whatever your plans are, be safe and sound, and remember that the true celebration of love for our country lies in the true service for it through out the whole year and not just on its national days.


Peace & Love!

***

I'm sure lots of you have watched this amazing skydive video already, but have you read Khaleejesque's special article about the guy behind the jump? ;)



His name is Mohammad Al-Refaie and you can learn more about him and his love for skydiving on the special article on Khaleejesque: [click here]


That is just AWESOME! Wouldn't wanna try it for real, though! Ha!

Would you??

***

P.S: What do you think of my photography? 

_______________________________________________________

Links:

• كل عام و أنت بخير يا وطن النهار
• Chocolateness
• The Bazaar Daily
• Bazaar Magazine
• Khaleejesque
• Alrefaie's Youtube Channel 

كل عام و أنت بخير يا وطن النهار

عاشت لنا الكويت .. الكويت

و عاشوا أهلها

و اللي يحب الكويت .. الكويت

يضحي لأجلها

***

أنا كويتي أنا

أنا قول و فعل

وعزومي قوية

***

ياحماة العرين

لقنوا المعتدين

درسنا باليمين

ضربة لن تلين

***

عيدي يا كويت يا أحلى بلد

أنا لج رديت بروح و جسد

***

وطني

وطن النهار

أنت النهار

يا وطني

***

تلك مجموعة بسيطة من الأغاني الوطنية التي تربيت عليها ، كلما تبادرت إلي مسمعي مقاطع منها (لاسيما "أنا كويتي أنا" و "وطن النهار") تختلج مشاعري و تتبعثر أحاسيسي معلنة مراسم إحتفال بتراقص ذكريات متناقضة ... فأجدني تارة أبتسم أو أضحك ، و تارة أتنهد أو تدمع عيني (و قد أبكي) ...

ف"عاشت لنا الكويت" كانت من الأغاني الأكثر ترديداً في صغري ، كذلك "أنا كويتي أنا" و "حماة العرين" اللتان تثيران فيَّ الحماس فأجدني ، في خيالي ، أقف كالمجندين أحيي العلم و قلبي يقفز فرحاً ، تماماً كما كنت أفعل في طفولتي ... (إلا أني كنت أقوم بالغناء و التحية فعلياً حينها) . أما "عيدي يا كويت" فدائماً تذكرني بالأعياد و بهجتها . 

لكن "وطن النهار" لها مكانة خاصة في قلبي ، فهي تتربع على عرش كل الأغاني الوطنية التي أحبها ، لوقعها المجلجل على نفسي ... فقد نحتت آثاراً أبدية ، اختلطت بمشاعر طفلة في حالة عدم استيعاب كلي ، ثم انتقلت إلى غور شجون قلب شابة مبعثرة روحها ... فكانت دائماً تنادي أعماق روحي سالبة تلك الدموع المختزلة التي عادة لا أحس بوجودها ...

قبل عدة أيام كنت في السيارة أستمع للمارينا أف أم ، أترقب برنامج "الديوانية" الذي عادة ما يسهم في رسم البسمة على محياي مشكلاً عامل نجاح في تسهيل عملية السياقة في ذلك الوقت العصيب من الظهيرة ، فتفاجأت بأغنيتي المفضلة تصدح ...  كالعادة ، امتزجت مشاعر الفرح و الألم و تراقصت في داخلي ...

لكن ، و لأول مرة ، كلمات الأغنية كان لها صدى جديد:

... ياللي انولد من جديد ... غصب على الآلام ، ترجع وطن من جديد

أحسست و كأن هذه الكلمات تحاكيني بالذات ... فإني أمر بمرحلة حساسة في حياتي الخاصة حالياً ، فكانت تلك الكلمات بمثابة قلب حنون يواسي و صوت عقل حكيم يناشد و يشد من ازري مذكراً بأن "مع العسر يسراً" ... فعلاً ، إن مع العسر دوماً يسراً ... فلا بد من أن تشرق الشمس بعد العاصفة و لا بد للظلام أن ينجلي و للضباب أن ينقشع . فمهما تكالبت علينا هموم الدنيا و تشابكت ، لابد أن نستذكر القوة الكامنة بداخلنا ، و لا نترك لشبح الخوف و القلق مجال ليترعرع في أنفسنا ، فلابد أن نتحلى بالإيمان دائماً و نستمر في المقاومة و الدفاع ، حتى "نولد من جديد" .

تماماً كما ولدت الكويت من جديد مرات عديدة ، فاليوم و غداً تستذكر بلادي يومين من أروع الأيام في تاريخها ، فبعد إحدى و خمسون سنة على إستقلالها و بعد إحدى و عشرون سنة من التحرير لا يجب أن أستسلم لألم بعض الذكريات الحزينة ، بل يجب علي أن أديم الابتسامة على محياي و أرفع رأسي عالياً ، فلو لا لطف العلي القدير لربما ما كان حالنا كما هو الآن ، ننعم بأمن و أمان قد نحسد عليه كثيراً ، فيجب علينا جميعاً أن نديم السجود لله شاكرين و نرفع أيادينا للكريم راجين منه أن يديم علينا نعمة الأمن و الاستقرار و أن يمن على جيراننا و إخواننا المسلمين بالمثل ، آمين ...

و كل عام وأنت بخير يا وطن النهار ، يا أرض المحبة و السلام ...

***

هذا مقطع بسييييط جداً من الاغنية أثناء استماعي إليها في السيارة ، عذراً لقصره الشديد فلم يتبادر لذهني تصويره إلا مع قرب نهايتها... أعجبتني مشاهدة الأعلام ترفرف و كأنها تستمع معي و تستمتع ...

***

كالعادة ، يتحفنا Google بابداع جديد :)

***

وطني الكويت سلمت للمجد

و على جبينك طالع السعد

"I'm Baaaaack!" - Take Two

Well.. Well.. Well..

Here we go again! 

How's everyone doing? I'm baaaaack! Again!!! loool :D

In case anyone of my lovely readers is actually missing my blog, enjoy my comeback! Take two! ;P 

Yes, I'm aware that I've already pointed out I was coming back like two months ago (yikes!), but as usual, distractions & sharing thoughts elsewhere (on my FB & Twitter pages) have been really pushing me away from my dear blog! I miss you, dear blog! I miss my humble number of readers! Even those who just pass by & never leave their thoughts! I miss the blogosphere, even though it certainly doesn't seem to be as popular as it once was. I've noticed that less & less reader comments are being submitted every day, at least here in Kuwait. Even the most popular blogs are getting far much less comments than, say, just a year or two ago. Now, I'm not talking about page traffic, so please, don't get me wrong. 

I wonder why.

Why aren't readers (of Kuwaiti blogosphere) leaving comments as much as in the past? For one major reason, I think I have to blame addictive social networks & mobile messaging for that. For example, Twitter has taken over the lives of Kuwaiti users especially in the last year, that a lot of them have virtually shifted from Facebook to Twitter! And then, there's WhatsApp, this highly engaging mobile messaging app that got more people really connected & made those who don't have it installed miss a lot & feel like such aliens. Having so many social networks one is a member of is definitely adding to the reasons why fewer readers are leaving comments anymore; they're simply being bombarded with millions of pieces of news & information by the second! 

And I can't say I haven't caught the bug. You see, due to the faster pace of life (which keeps getting faster & faster & never slowing down!), I've been finding myself sharing my thoughts & interesting things I find online in a Facebook post or a tweet. That's mostly what's been keeping me away from my beloved blog.

But I'm back! I miss the cosiness of "independence" & "ME" here. My own space where I share my most deep inner thoughts & journalistic covers. I have so much thoughts & ideas to work on to perfect my little space. I wish I get a lot of things productively done this year. One of my new year's resolutions is to bring my blog back to my priorities & make it far much better!!! 

Wish me luck, everyone! :D

And since this is my first post in 2012: 

HAPPY belated NEW YEAR to all! ;P 

May this year really becomes a better year for the whole wide world!!

******

P.S: It will really mean a lot, boost my motivation level, lift my spirits & get me going, if my lovely readers (& passersby!) took just a "little" pause & left me an encouraging "Welcome Back!" &/or "Good Luck!" after reading this :)

Thank you!

________________________________________________

Photo Credit: cheezburger.com

No Answer

Ring...

Ring...

Ring...

No Answer.

Ring...

Ring...

Ring...

No Answer.

That's the way it's been for over a month now. I keep calling, & calling & I wouldn't get answer. It's totally getting on my nerves.

Wanna know what I'm talking about? Well, stay tuned for the whole details in future post.

***

Some People Have ZERO Patience!

I'm so pissed right now! I still cannot let it go! I have to write about it!


Last night, I went to the bank to check out my balance & I used the car - drive. Now, there was just one car in fornt of me. I was relieved that there weren't too many people as I don't like to be crowded especially when money & privacy is involved! So being my private self, I kept quite a distance between me & the car infront. That's just me, I don't like to let people feel suffocated by me practically nudging them! But, alas! Not everyone thinks like I do, & not everyone treats people the way they wanna be treated! This car came after me, & ever since I saw it, I got the feeling I wasn't going to like it. And I was right.


The fornt car left, & it was my turn. I move a head & to my bad luck, I parked a little bit far so I had to re-park my car so that I could reach the machine perfectly. It wasn't perfect nor comfortable, but it was in reach. So I entered the card, punched in the pin code, twice becuase I missed a number, then a screen appeared. It wasn't the screen I wanted. Baffled, & a little nervous I was gonna make the car behind late, I took out my card & re-entered it to try again. The same happened. I was getting more nervous & annoyed because the car behind keeps flashing their brights at me! Don't people have some patience anymore? Wait a little! It's not the end of the world! The machine isn't giving me what I want! So I try for the third time, & this time I decided to draw in some cash, & see my balance after that in the recite. But the minimum cash withdrawal was 30 KD! I wasn't sure if I even have that! So, I chose cancel & type in the amount I want. I typed in 10 KD, but then something happened that I do not recall now, & somehow the page I wanted all along came on! So, by then, I wasn't giving up, & I had to see my balance. & I saw it, but I couldn't get a receipt , so I had to memorise it, but God, how hard it was to memorise with all that bright-flashing behind me!!! Couldn't you just wait a little!!! It's not like I've been there for ages! It was so fast, even though you might think it took so long with all these attempts! I was doing everything fast, but the impatient lady (I assume she was, I really couldn't see because I was concentrating on my thing) really messed me up! I tried so hard to forget it (I'm a patient person, I can let go on annoying drivers almost every time, but this one is not on the list!). Couldn't she wait a little? Doesnt she know that people should be concentrating on delicate matters? It's not TV I'm watching! She really bugged me big time! I even doubted that I might have forgotton to take out my recite, (but I didn't because I chose not to take any.) God! I hate people like this!

I really should've stopped & talked to her! But I just remembered it's Ramadan, & I better leave it to God. & I did pray to him to take my revenge!!!


I'm really pissed!

Accidents: Taken For Granted

I wrote this today on my way to my 6 o'clock English Class ...

*****

6:00 P.M: I'm Currently driving while I'm writing this. Well not quite literally, the cars aren't moving. The sixth ring road is totally blocked. Traffic is a mess.

It must be an accident. That was my first thought.

I really didn't think too much about it. My mind was busy wondering when I'd reach my class. Just when I thought I'd be on time! It's 6:05 ...

A while later, a police car passed in a hurry next to me on the emergency lane (I was on the far left), it's sirens echoing ... God, it is an accident ...

Still, I wasn't moved. I removed my Ronan Keating CD, & replaced it with a George Michael one. I was trying to kill the time.

But then an ambulance came on too. This time, the siren was a bit chilling. I wondered if it's really serious. My train of thoughts trailed off to the ones who do such a job. The paramedics. I remembered a guy who works as a paramedic whom I met in one my English Classes at Expression. I thought how noble that job is.

I continued on listening to the music, but not really listening. I suppose to be in class! I think to myself as I glance over to the clock. It's 6:25 now.

Then just a while ago, a fire truck passed! That's when my heart sank, & I became really apprehensive. What if it's really serious? What if it's someone I know? It couldn't be mom, I was just with her on the phone. What if it's my brother?

& before I could list all my family members, my eyes started to well up in emotion. What if I really lost one of my relatives? Why this thought never occurred to me before.

Why do we take everything for granted?

Another police car came near, stopped on the left & right a head of me on the emergency lane. The policeman, gets out, & heads to a car that was on the same lane as the police car. I wondered if he was giving him a ticket.

Then it hit me, I might get out! I just have to ask the policeman if I can take another road. So, when he finished with what he was doing, I quickly opened the window & asked him what to do. He said: "You can take the South Alsurra exit, then onto the fifth ring road". But that would take so long; the exit was pretty far. So I asked what was the matter. "An accident", was all he said. So, I asked: "How long will it take for the road to clear? About ten minutes?" he agreed. It was 6: 32.

Fortunately, the road started moving, & in 5 minutes, I was driving 100 km.

6:45 P.M: I entered the class & smiled to Mrs. Rajee, (They don't mind coming late that much). I decided not to say anything, as I didn't want to interrupt her even more, but just when I was about to sit, another girl entered & instantly she said that there was an accident, & that she's sorry. Then, I decided to talk about it. The class was not that interested. They took it for granted. Ironically, they were just discussing our Essay homework, which talks about Accidents!

I was thinking this morning about what I shall be writing, & I never knew that I was going to encounter all of this!

Funny how everything seems to be talking about accidents today! I was just on MySpace, & I randomly & coincidentally found this poem (I googled to get the Writer's & poem's names):

The Wreck On Highway 109
by Ruth Gillis

A drunk man in an Oldsmobile
they said had run the light
that caused the six-car pileup
on 109 that night.
When broken bodies lay about
and blood was everywhere,
the sirens screamed out elegies,
for death was in the air.

A mother, trapped inside her car,
was heard above the noise;
her plaintive plea near split the air:
"Oh, God, please spare my boys!"
She fought to loose her pinioned hands;
she struggled to get free,
but mangled metal held her fast
in grim captivity.

Her frightened eyes then focused on
where the back seat once had been,
but all she saw was broken glass
and two children's seats crushed in.
Her twins were nowhere to be seen;
she did not hear them cry,
and then she prayed they'd been thrown free,
"Oh, God, don't let them die!"

Then firemen came and cut her loose,
but when they searched the back,
they found therein no little boys,
but the seat belts were intact.
They thought the woman had gone mad
and was traveling alone,
but when they turned to question her,
they discovered she was gone.

Policemen saw her running wild
and screaming above the noise
in beseeching supplication,
"Please help me find my boys!
They're four years old and wear blue shirts;
their jeans are blue to match."
One cop spoke up, "They're in my car,
and they don't have a scratch.

They said their daddy put them there
and gave them each a cone,
then told them both to wait for Mom
to come and take them home.
I've searched the area high and low,
but I can't find their dad.
He must have fled the scene, I guess,
and that is very bad."

The mother hugged the twins and said,
while wiping at a tear,
"He could not flee the scene, you see,
for he's been dead a year."
The cop just looked confused and asked,
"Now, how can that be true?"
The boys said, "Mommy, Daddy came
and left a kiss for you.

He told us not to worry
and that you would be all right,
and then he put us in this car
with the pretty, flashing light.
We wanted him to stay with us,
because we miss him so,
but Mommy, he just hugged us tight
and said he had to go.

He said someday we'd understand
and told us not to fuss,
and he said to tell you, Mommy,
he's watching over us."
The mother knew without a doubt
that what they spoke was true,
for she recalled their dad's last words,
"I will watch over you."

The firemen's notes could not explain
the twisted, mangled car,
and how the three of them escaped
without a single scar.
But on the cop's report was scribed,
in print so very fine,
An angel walked the beat tonight
on Highway 109.


Copyright © 1999 Ruth Gillis
All Rights Reserved

"The Wreck On Highway 109" received a
First Place Award in the April 1999 issue of Poet's Review.



If you liked this poem & would like to check other works by Ruth Gillis, you can visit:

House of Poetry.com

Everything Seems Sweeter Before Exams!

It's November, so it means it's time for exams!

I hate exams!

But who doesn't?!

I had a quiz today, my first this semester, & for the passed 3-4 days, I've been studying, & preparing for it. After all, it's an Arabic Exam! God, & it's all about grammar!

Well, I wouldn't really call it "real studying". The first three days, I was just skimming, bored to death, while listening to Michael Jackson's songs of the 90s. My real studying started 15 hours before the quiz to be precise.

Anyways, studying for this exam was nothing extraordinary. I procrastinated as much as I could! Let's face it, studying for a subject you love can be exhausting, let alone a subject you're not very fond of! Watching TV becomes very amusing & intriguing when you have to study for a quiz! You would watch anything, from movies to sitcoms, to different series that you had no prior interest in, in the first place! Even news seems amusing!!!

Not just watching TV, or going online, or playing video games would be more enjoyable during exams, but any exam hater- procrastinator would be glad to do whatever just to stay away from those humongous study books! You would want to take longer showers, & really try out the new fragranced shampoo & conditioner you bought two months ago. You would decide to tidy up your messy bedroom your mom begs you to tidy up every single day (even it was already tidy, you would gladly mess it up, then give it a once-over!). You would even chip in & help with the chores you normally hate doing. And you would like to linger & stay with your family, something you don't normally do!

You would spent hours on the phone, or IM chats with your friends, & start creating fairy tales, & laugh your head off, do whatever attracts you, no matter how silly it might be.

Also, (& that's more for the boys), you like to hang out & stay for longer hours than usual with your buddies assumed to be studying while you're actually cruising up & down the Gulf, & Love roads, the different malls of Kuwait, & even the local co-ops!! Any where, it doesn't really matter as long you're away from what's dreadful!

Then after the cloud of drunkenness evaporates, & you wake up with this huge hang-over that your conscious has burdened you with, you scurry in a hurry to grab any note book, & quickly flick through the pages, gaping at what seems to be a blur in a rush of adrenalin. You take a quick glance at the clock that feels like it's thumping along with your nervous frightened heartbeats. There's no time left; you gotta face the music!!!

*****

Aren't we all like that? Have we all done this, even if for once?

Let's be honest, even nerds dread exams!

God, maybe it's a guilty-pleasure syndrome? You feel guilty, yet you wanna stay away for as long as you could muster!

Whatever it is, Humans fear the unknown, & worry about the future, & one way to avoid all this, is by not thinking about it. Just trying to forget, & trying to be free from all the anxieties.

Weird, isn't it?

Well, not so much ...