My best friend got married today!
Oh, you know, I hate the preparations for any social event. You have to pick up a dress, choose the right hairdo, make up ... Oooh! It just too much!
Even though I have slept about 8 hrs yesterday, which believe me is incredible! I'm exhausted! I had to take a shower, do my hands & legs, do my hair, get dressed, do my make up, then go to the salon to do the real hands, legs, & hair doing, then go back home to pick mom & get the last finishing touch, which believe me does not exist! All the way to the event you're constantly re-doing & re-checking everything!!!
All this bitching does not come close to what the bride has been through!
I could only imagine ...
You know, I am a girl, but I really don't like all these girly things! Sure I love to see myself all pampered & dolled up in the end, But it's really exhausting. Thank God, I only have to do it every once & a while!
But I could never tolerate doing these things every single day! I really don;t know how some people do it! I mean, you can see girls nowadays wearing the best at all times. Even in the morning! their hair is all puffed up as if they're going to a wedding, but no! They're going to the dentist, or to school, or to college ... etc. How do they do it? Or the most appropriate question would be, Why? We barely get out of bed everyday, & those are getting up way early in the morning just to do their hair?!!!!!!!
Some people!
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Friday, November 16, 2007
Accidents: Taken For Granted
I wrote this today on my way to my 6 o'clock English Class ...
6:00 P.M: I'm Currently driving while I'm writing this. Well not quite literally, the cars aren't moving. The sixth ring road is totally blocked. Traffic is a mess.
It must be an accident. That was my first thought.
I really didn't think too much about it. My mind was busy wondering when I'd reach my class. Just when I thought I'd be on time! It's 6:05 ...
A while later, a police car passed in a hurry next to me on the emergency lane (I was on the far left), it's sirens echoing ... God, it is an accident ...
Still, I wasn't moved. I removed my Ronan Keating CD, & replaced it with a George Michael one. I was trying to kill the time.
But then an ambulance came on too. This time, the siren was a bit chilling. I wondered if it's really serious. My train of thoughts trailed off to the ones who do such a job. The paramedics. I remembered a guy who works as a paramedic whom I met in one my English Classes at Expression. I thought how noble that job is.
I continued on listening to the music, but not really listening. I suppose to be in class! I think to myself as I glance over to the clock. It's 6:25 now.
Then just a while ago, a fire truck passed! That's when my heart sank, & I became really apprehensive. What if it's really serious? What if it's someone I know? It couldn't be mom, I was just with her on the phone. What if it's my brother?
& before I could list all my family members, my eyes started to well up in emotion. What if I really lost one of my relatives? Why this thought never occurred to me before.
Why do we take everything for granted?
Another police car came near, stopped on the left & right a head of me on the emergency lane. The policeman, gets out, & heads to a car that was on the same lane as the police car. I wondered if he was giving him a ticket.
Then it hit me, I might get out! I just have to ask the policeman if I can take another road. So, when he finished with what he was doing, I quickly opened the window & asked him what to do. He said: "You can take the South Alsurra exit, then onto the fifth ring road". But that would take so long; the exit was pretty far. So I asked what was the matter. "An accident", was all he said. So, I asked: "How long will it take for the road to clear? About ten minutes?" he agreed. It was 6: 32.
Fortunately, the road started moving, & in 5 minutes, I was driving 100 km.
6:45 P.M: I entered the class & smiled to Mrs. Rajee, (They don't mind coming late that much). I decided not to say anything, as I didn't want to interrupt her even more, but just when I was about to sit, another girl entered & instantly she said that there was an accident, & that she's sorry. Then, I decided to talk about it. The class was not that interested. They took it for granted. Ironically, they were just discussing our Essay homework, which talks about Accidents!
I was thinking this morning about what I shall be writing, & I never knew that I was going to encounter all of this!
Funny how everything seems to be talking about accidents today! I was just on MySpace, & I randomly & coincidentally found this poem (I googled to get the Writer's & poem's names):
The Wreck On Highway 109
by Ruth Gillis
A drunk man in an Oldsmobile
they said had run the light
that caused the six-car pileup
on 109 that night.
When broken bodies lay about
and blood was everywhere,
the sirens screamed out elegies,
for death was in the air.
A mother, trapped inside her car,
was heard above the noise;
her plaintive plea near split the air:
"Oh, God, please spare my boys!"
She fought to loose her pinioned hands;
she struggled to get free,
but mangled metal held her fast
in grim captivity.
Her frightened eyes then focused on
where the back seat once had been,
but all she saw was broken glass
and two children's seats crushed in.
Her twins were nowhere to be seen;
she did not hear them cry,
and then she prayed they'd been thrown free,
"Oh, God, don't let them die!"
Then firemen came and cut her loose,
but when they searched the back,
they found therein no little boys,
but the seat belts were intact.
They thought the woman had gone mad
and was traveling alone,
but when they turned to question her,
they discovered she was gone.
Policemen saw her running wild
and screaming above the noise
in beseeching supplication,
"Please help me find my boys!
They're four years old and wear blue shirts;
their jeans are blue to match."
One cop spoke up, "They're in my car,
and they don't have a scratch.
They said their daddy put them there
and gave them each a cone,
then told them both to wait for Mom
to come and take them home.
I've searched the area high and low,
but I can't find their dad.
He must have fled the scene, I guess,
and that is very bad."
The mother hugged the twins and said,
while wiping at a tear,
"He could not flee the scene, you see,
for he's been dead a year."
The cop just looked confused and asked,
"Now, how can that be true?"
The boys said, "Mommy, Daddy came
and left a kiss for you.
He told us not to worry
and that you would be all right,
and then he put us in this car
with the pretty, flashing light.
We wanted him to stay with us,
because we miss him so,
but Mommy, he just hugged us tight
and said he had to go.
He said someday we'd understand
and told us not to fuss,
and he said to tell you, Mommy,
he's watching over us."
The mother knew without a doubt
that what they spoke was true,
for she recalled their dad's last words,
"I will watch over you."
The firemen's notes could not explain
the twisted, mangled car,
and how the three of them escaped
without a single scar.
But on the cop's report was scribed,
in print so very fine,
An angel walked the beat tonight
on Highway 109.
Copyright © 1999 Ruth Gillis
All Rights Reserved
"The Wreck On Highway 109" received a
First Place Award in the April 1999 issue of Poet's Review.
If you liked this poem & would like to check other works by Ruth Gillis, you can visit:
House of Poetry.com
*****
6:00 P.M: I'm Currently driving while I'm writing this. Well not quite literally, the cars aren't moving. The sixth ring road is totally blocked. Traffic is a mess.
It must be an accident. That was my first thought.
I really didn't think too much about it. My mind was busy wondering when I'd reach my class. Just when I thought I'd be on time! It's 6:05 ...
A while later, a police car passed in a hurry next to me on the emergency lane (I was on the far left), it's sirens echoing ... God, it is an accident ...
Still, I wasn't moved. I removed my Ronan Keating CD, & replaced it with a George Michael one. I was trying to kill the time.
But then an ambulance came on too. This time, the siren was a bit chilling. I wondered if it's really serious. My train of thoughts trailed off to the ones who do such a job. The paramedics. I remembered a guy who works as a paramedic whom I met in one my English Classes at Expression. I thought how noble that job is.
I continued on listening to the music, but not really listening. I suppose to be in class! I think to myself as I glance over to the clock. It's 6:25 now.
Then just a while ago, a fire truck passed! That's when my heart sank, & I became really apprehensive. What if it's really serious? What if it's someone I know? It couldn't be mom, I was just with her on the phone. What if it's my brother?
& before I could list all my family members, my eyes started to well up in emotion. What if I really lost one of my relatives? Why this thought never occurred to me before.
Why do we take everything for granted?
Another police car came near, stopped on the left & right a head of me on the emergency lane. The policeman, gets out, & heads to a car that was on the same lane as the police car. I wondered if he was giving him a ticket.
Then it hit me, I might get out! I just have to ask the policeman if I can take another road. So, when he finished with what he was doing, I quickly opened the window & asked him what to do. He said: "You can take the South Alsurra exit, then onto the fifth ring road". But that would take so long; the exit was pretty far. So I asked what was the matter. "An accident", was all he said. So, I asked: "How long will it take for the road to clear? About ten minutes?" he agreed. It was 6: 32.
Fortunately, the road started moving, & in 5 minutes, I was driving 100 km.
6:45 P.M: I entered the class & smiled to Mrs. Rajee, (They don't mind coming late that much). I decided not to say anything, as I didn't want to interrupt her even more, but just when I was about to sit, another girl entered & instantly she said that there was an accident, & that she's sorry. Then, I decided to talk about it. The class was not that interested. They took it for granted. Ironically, they were just discussing our Essay homework, which talks about Accidents!
I was thinking this morning about what I shall be writing, & I never knew that I was going to encounter all of this!
Funny how everything seems to be talking about accidents today! I was just on MySpace, & I randomly & coincidentally found this poem (I googled to get the Writer's & poem's names):
The Wreck On Highway 109
by Ruth Gillis
A drunk man in an Oldsmobile
they said had run the light
that caused the six-car pileup
on 109 that night.
When broken bodies lay about
and blood was everywhere,
the sirens screamed out elegies,
for death was in the air.
A mother, trapped inside her car,
was heard above the noise;
her plaintive plea near split the air:
"Oh, God, please spare my boys!"
She fought to loose her pinioned hands;
she struggled to get free,
but mangled metal held her fast
in grim captivity.
Her frightened eyes then focused on
where the back seat once had been,
but all she saw was broken glass
and two children's seats crushed in.
Her twins were nowhere to be seen;
she did not hear them cry,
and then she prayed they'd been thrown free,
"Oh, God, don't let them die!"
Then firemen came and cut her loose,
but when they searched the back,
they found therein no little boys,
but the seat belts were intact.
They thought the woman had gone mad
and was traveling alone,
but when they turned to question her,
they discovered she was gone.
Policemen saw her running wild
and screaming above the noise
in beseeching supplication,
"Please help me find my boys!
They're four years old and wear blue shirts;
their jeans are blue to match."
One cop spoke up, "They're in my car,
and they don't have a scratch.
They said their daddy put them there
and gave them each a cone,
then told them both to wait for Mom
to come and take them home.
I've searched the area high and low,
but I can't find their dad.
He must have fled the scene, I guess,
and that is very bad."
The mother hugged the twins and said,
while wiping at a tear,
"He could not flee the scene, you see,
for he's been dead a year."
The cop just looked confused and asked,
"Now, how can that be true?"
The boys said, "Mommy, Daddy came
and left a kiss for you.
He told us not to worry
and that you would be all right,
and then he put us in this car
with the pretty, flashing light.
We wanted him to stay with us,
because we miss him so,
but Mommy, he just hugged us tight
and said he had to go.
He said someday we'd understand
and told us not to fuss,
and he said to tell you, Mommy,
he's watching over us."
The mother knew without a doubt
that what they spoke was true,
for she recalled their dad's last words,
"I will watch over you."
The firemen's notes could not explain
the twisted, mangled car,
and how the three of them escaped
without a single scar.
But on the cop's report was scribed,
in print so very fine,
An angel walked the beat tonight
on Highway 109.
Copyright © 1999 Ruth Gillis
All Rights Reserved
"The Wreck On Highway 109" received a
First Place Award in the April 1999 issue of Poet's Review.
If you liked this poem & would like to check other works by Ruth Gillis, you can visit:
House of Poetry.com
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
If only I had a Little more Faith in Myself!
OK, I still don't have enough faith in myself ...
I had my Arabic grammar quiz ...
& I was bad!!!!
The exam was not that hard, that's why I hated what I've accomplished! I know I have messed up big times, I can picture what grade I would get ... Out of 15, I might get 10 ... & I'm being generous!
You might wonder why am I fussing about an Arabic grammar quiz? Everybody, & nobody gets full grades (except for the profs & the cheaters), but the thing is I really enjoy grammar ... I was good at it back in school ... I was good ...
But that was years ago, I have forgotten all about it! Plus, what they were teaching us, & the way they taught us, is no where near what I'm experiencing now!
But let's get back to the "Faith" thing. There were 3 questions in particular that got me all confused. Is it this? Or that? Hesitation ... That's one of my biggest unpleasant traits, I shall admit. Anyways, I couldn't figure out the answers, & time was running out. Then the teacher, had to take the papers, & I reluctantly handed in mine.
Discussions, girls chatting & bickering about the quiz, were the typical things to happen next. I wasn't sure about my answers, especially the ones I haven't jotted down! So, when nobody gave me a reassuring answer, I decided to go ask the Prof, myself. So, I went, & did.
I wish I didn't. Every little answer that I didn't write down (because of HESITATION!), turned out to be right!
I was right. I was right all along!
If only i had written them down!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I stormed out of the university, with the song "Faith" in mind: Gotta have faith, ooh, I gotta faith ... Ironically that's one of my favorite George Michael songs!
Well, that just proves something else ... I can be shallow sometimes!
I had my Arabic grammar quiz ...
& I was bad!!!!
The exam was not that hard, that's why I hated what I've accomplished! I know I have messed up big times, I can picture what grade I would get ... Out of 15, I might get 10 ... & I'm being generous!
You might wonder why am I fussing about an Arabic grammar quiz? Everybody, & nobody gets full grades (except for the profs & the cheaters), but the thing is I really enjoy grammar ... I was good at it back in school ... I was good ...
But that was years ago, I have forgotten all about it! Plus, what they were teaching us, & the way they taught us, is no where near what I'm experiencing now!
But let's get back to the "Faith" thing. There were 3 questions in particular that got me all confused. Is it this? Or that? Hesitation ... That's one of my biggest unpleasant traits, I shall admit. Anyways, I couldn't figure out the answers, & time was running out. Then the teacher, had to take the papers, & I reluctantly handed in mine.
Discussions, girls chatting & bickering about the quiz, were the typical things to happen next. I wasn't sure about my answers, especially the ones I haven't jotted down! So, when nobody gave me a reassuring answer, I decided to go ask the Prof, myself. So, I went, & did.
I wish I didn't. Every little answer that I didn't write down (because of HESITATION!), turned out to be right!
I was right. I was right all along!
If only i had written them down!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I stormed out of the university, with the song "Faith" in mind: Gotta have faith, ooh, I gotta faith ... Ironically that's one of my favorite George Michael songs!
Well, that just proves something else ... I can be shallow sometimes!
Everything Seems Sweeter Before Exams!
It's November, so it means it's time for exams!
I hate exams!
But who doesn't?!
I had a quiz today, my first this semester, & for the passed 3-4 days, I've been studying, & preparing for it. After all, it's an Arabic Exam! God, & it's all about grammar!
Well, I wouldn't really call it "real studying". The first three days, I was just skimming, bored to death, while listening to Michael Jackson's songs of the 90s. My real studying started 15 hours before the quiz to be precise.
Anyways, studying for this exam was nothing extraordinary. I procrastinated as much as I could! Let's face it, studying for a subject you love can be exhausting, let alone a subject you're not very fond of! Watching TV becomes very amusing & intriguing when you have to study for a quiz! You would watch anything, from movies to sitcoms, to different series that you had no prior interest in, in the first place! Even news seems amusing!!!
Not just watching TV, or going online, or playing video games would be more enjoyable during exams, but any exam hater- procrastinator would be glad to do whatever just to stay away from those humongous study books! You would want to take longer showers, & really try out the new fragranced shampoo & conditioner you bought two months ago. You would decide to tidy up your messy bedroom your mom begs you to tidy up every single day (even it was already tidy, you would gladly mess it up, then give it a once-over!). You would even chip in & help with the chores you normally hate doing. And you would like to linger & stay with your family, something you don't normally do!
You would spent hours on the phone, or IM chats with your friends, & start creating fairy tales, & laugh your head off, do whatever attracts you, no matter how silly it might be.
Also, (& that's more for the boys), you like to hang out & stay for longer hours than usual with your buddies assumed to be studying while you're actually cruising up & down the Gulf, & Love roads, the different malls of Kuwait, & even the local co-ops!! Any where, it doesn't really matter as long you're away from what's dreadful!
Then after the cloud of drunkenness evaporates, & you wake up with this huge hang-over that your conscious has burdened you with, you scurry in a hurry to grab any note book, & quickly flick through the pages, gaping at what seems to be a blur in a rush of adrenalin. You take a quick glance at the clock that feels like it's thumping along with your nervous frightened heartbeats. There's no time left; you gotta face the music!!!
Aren't we all like that? Have we all done this, even if for once?
Let's be honest, even nerds dread exams!
God, maybe it's a guilty-pleasure syndrome? You feel guilty, yet you wanna stay away for as long as you could muster!
Whatever it is, Humans fear the unknown, & worry about the future, & one way to avoid all this, is by not thinking about it. Just trying to forget, & trying to be free from all the anxieties.
Weird, isn't it?
Well, not so much ...
I hate exams!
But who doesn't?!
I had a quiz today, my first this semester, & for the passed 3-4 days, I've been studying, & preparing for it. After all, it's an Arabic Exam! God, & it's all about grammar!
Well, I wouldn't really call it "real studying". The first three days, I was just skimming, bored to death, while listening to Michael Jackson's songs of the 90s. My real studying started 15 hours before the quiz to be precise.
Anyways, studying for this exam was nothing extraordinary. I procrastinated as much as I could! Let's face it, studying for a subject you love can be exhausting, let alone a subject you're not very fond of! Watching TV becomes very amusing & intriguing when you have to study for a quiz! You would watch anything, from movies to sitcoms, to different series that you had no prior interest in, in the first place! Even news seems amusing!!!
Not just watching TV, or going online, or playing video games would be more enjoyable during exams, but any exam hater- procrastinator would be glad to do whatever just to stay away from those humongous study books! You would want to take longer showers, & really try out the new fragranced shampoo & conditioner you bought two months ago. You would decide to tidy up your messy bedroom your mom begs you to tidy up every single day (even it was already tidy, you would gladly mess it up, then give it a once-over!). You would even chip in & help with the chores you normally hate doing. And you would like to linger & stay with your family, something you don't normally do!
You would spent hours on the phone, or IM chats with your friends, & start creating fairy tales, & laugh your head off, do whatever attracts you, no matter how silly it might be.
Also, (& that's more for the boys), you like to hang out & stay for longer hours than usual with your buddies assumed to be studying while you're actually cruising up & down the Gulf, & Love roads, the different malls of Kuwait, & even the local co-ops!! Any where, it doesn't really matter as long you're away from what's dreadful!
Then after the cloud of drunkenness evaporates, & you wake up with this huge hang-over that your conscious has burdened you with, you scurry in a hurry to grab any note book, & quickly flick through the pages, gaping at what seems to be a blur in a rush of adrenalin. You take a quick glance at the clock that feels like it's thumping along with your nervous frightened heartbeats. There's no time left; you gotta face the music!!!
*****
Aren't we all like that? Have we all done this, even if for once?
Let's be honest, even nerds dread exams!
God, maybe it's a guilty-pleasure syndrome? You feel guilty, yet you wanna stay away for as long as you could muster!
Whatever it is, Humans fear the unknown, & worry about the future, & one way to avoid all this, is by not thinking about it. Just trying to forget, & trying to be free from all the anxieties.
Weird, isn't it?
Well, not so much ...
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Another One Bites The Dust
In just a matter of days, another one of best friends is getting married.
I know I'm being negative & pessimistic when I say this, but I hate it when my best friends leave me!
It's not that I'm not happy for them, oh God, I'm over the moon! But I can't help the feeling of losing them. Let's face it, they are going to change. Despite what they say, about never changing, let them get busy, have babies, & POOF! I'm no longer there!
It's true, we've grown apart once, when we all went to different colleges, & different jobs, we talked less & barely saw each other, yet the feeling of friendship, of having things in common was there. But once they get married, it's a whole different thing. It means we're no longer single.
It means they're gonna be responsible for a house, a husband, & God willing, babies. This whole future busy schedule will leave so little (if no) room for going out with their single girlfreinds, aka me.
I know you might be thinking, "Oh why do you care so much? You are getting married too you know! Don't be such a jealous bi***!" Well, first of all, I would never feel jealous, that's the last thing on my mind, simply because I DON'T WANT TO GET MARRIED! I wanna stay single as long as I wish, & to (I'm not gonna say hell) to all who feel sorry for me! I really wonder why do they feel sorry??? It really BUGS me!! Whenever I feel like getting married, I will! But it shouldn't be a priority & a stressful thing everybody should do! Thank God, it's not obligatory! See, it's not even obligatory! Then why do our societies make is as such?
I know I'm being negative & pessimistic when I say this, but I hate it when my best friends leave me!
It's not that I'm not happy for them, oh God, I'm over the moon! But I can't help the feeling of losing them. Let's face it, they are going to change. Despite what they say, about never changing, let them get busy, have babies, & POOF! I'm no longer there!
It's true, we've grown apart once, when we all went to different colleges, & different jobs, we talked less & barely saw each other, yet the feeling of friendship, of having things in common was there. But once they get married, it's a whole different thing. It means we're no longer single.
It means they're gonna be responsible for a house, a husband, & God willing, babies. This whole future busy schedule will leave so little (if no) room for going out with their single girlfreinds, aka me.
I know you might be thinking, "Oh why do you care so much? You are getting married too you know! Don't be such a jealous bi***!" Well, first of all, I would never feel jealous, that's the last thing on my mind, simply because I DON'T WANT TO GET MARRIED! I wanna stay single as long as I wish, & to (I'm not gonna say hell) to all who feel sorry for me! I really wonder why do they feel sorry??? It really BUGS me!! Whenever I feel like getting married, I will! But it shouldn't be a priority & a stressful thing everybody should do! Thank God, it's not obligatory! See, it's not even obligatory! Then why do our societies make is as such?
Ouuf ...!
____________________________________________________
Picture by Jeff Belmonte taken from this Wedding Picture site.
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Never Lose Faith!
Self confidence is one of the most important traits anyone could have. If you have great self confidence, you could easily do everything you want. You won't care what others would say, or do. And if you made a mistake, you won't feel that the world has fallen down on you, & wish to die.
Well, everybody feels down every now & then, even the most confident. What matters is how we rise up from the fall with our prides untouched.
Sometimes, I lack self confidence. I just lose it. Like yesterday, I was in the English class, my number one favorite subject, where I rarely lack confidence, we were doing a little test (or an exercise, I really don't remember) after the teacher explained the "The Reported Speech Rules" & the question was, report the following sentence: The cook says, "Dinner is ready." I thought this is easy, & quickly & confidently jotted the following answer down: The cook says that dinner is ready.
Mrs. Rajee, our teacher was passing around checking our answers, & when she came to me, she didn't say or do anything that lets me know that I'm on the right track. Probably because I haven't really written the whole sentence (the answer) when she came. So she went to the girl sitting next to me, & i think she has written the following: The cook says that dinner was ready. Mrs.Rajee put a sad crying face in her note book. & did the same to girl sitting next. & so on.
I didn't know that that was a crying face, I thought they were correct. My confidence was shaking at that moment. I knew that my answer was correct. I even remembered how Sophie Kinsella always writes reports in the present in her books. That's what I told my classmate, the girl sitting next to me. I really thought the teacher was wrong.
So I got confused, & looked again at my class mate's answer, & decided I should write the same. So I did. And then Mrs.Rajee came back to me, & found two answers (I just couldn't erase the first) so she asked me, which one will I keep, & I got real hesitant, but finally chose the wrong one, so she gave me a crying little face just like the others.
I was sooooo mad at myself. I moaned & grumbled in frustration! I knew I was right! Why did I change the freaking answer! This is the first time it happens to me!
Why? I'll tell you why! It's because I cheated. Yes, I confess, I cheated. It's something I never did in my whole life (except for doing homework & exercises). But I completely forgot that we are supposed to be doing this separately. It was a test! God forgive me for getting low!!! I really despise myself at the moment!
I won't forgive myself, I wish I didn't care about getting the right answer no matter what. True, I really thought it was just an exercise, but even so!
Next time I won't look, nor give anyone answers even when having just an exercise!!! Yes, Miss.Meany is back!!
But, you know, I got a lesson out of that whole incident. a lesson I knew already, but probably needed to re-remember it. Always have faith in yourself. Never falter. Never forget that God is looking after you & whenever you needed him, he's there for you.
God please forgive me, & all of us who have sinned. Always be there for us, guiding us to the good, & keeping us from harms way.
P.S: It wasn't really a test. It was just a little quiz, with no marks involved. So, that means, I didn't cheat in the first place!!!! Legally speaking, I didn't do anything criminal! :) It's just the moral thing ...
Still! In my subconscious I knew it was a simple exercise all along! Yes, that's it. I didn't do anything wrong! I'm innocent! I never cheated in my life, & I never will.
Well, everybody feels down every now & then, even the most confident. What matters is how we rise up from the fall with our prides untouched.
Sometimes, I lack self confidence. I just lose it. Like yesterday, I was in the English class, my number one favorite subject, where I rarely lack confidence, we were doing a little test (or an exercise, I really don't remember) after the teacher explained the "The Reported Speech Rules" & the question was, report the following sentence: The cook says, "Dinner is ready." I thought this is easy, & quickly & confidently jotted the following answer down: The cook says that dinner is ready.
Mrs. Rajee, our teacher was passing around checking our answers, & when she came to me, she didn't say or do anything that lets me know that I'm on the right track. Probably because I haven't really written the whole sentence (the answer) when she came. So she went to the girl sitting next to me, & i think she has written the following: The cook says that dinner was ready. Mrs.Rajee put a sad crying face in her note book. & did the same to girl sitting next. & so on.
I didn't know that that was a crying face, I thought they were correct. My confidence was shaking at that moment. I knew that my answer was correct. I even remembered how Sophie Kinsella always writes reports in the present in her books. That's what I told my classmate, the girl sitting next to me. I really thought the teacher was wrong.
So I got confused, & looked again at my class mate's answer, & decided I should write the same. So I did. And then Mrs.Rajee came back to me, & found two answers (I just couldn't erase the first) so she asked me, which one will I keep, & I got real hesitant, but finally chose the wrong one, so she gave me a crying little face just like the others.
I was sooooo mad at myself. I moaned & grumbled in frustration! I knew I was right! Why did I change the freaking answer! This is the first time it happens to me!
Why? I'll tell you why! It's because I cheated. Yes, I confess, I cheated. It's something I never did in my whole life (except for doing homework & exercises). But I completely forgot that we are supposed to be doing this separately. It was a test! God forgive me for getting low!!! I really despise myself at the moment!
I won't forgive myself, I wish I didn't care about getting the right answer no matter what. True, I really thought it was just an exercise, but even so!
Next time I won't look, nor give anyone answers even when having just an exercise!!! Yes, Miss.Meany is back!!
But, you know, I got a lesson out of that whole incident. a lesson I knew already, but probably needed to re-remember it. Always have faith in yourself. Never falter. Never forget that God is looking after you & whenever you needed him, he's there for you.
God please forgive me, & all of us who have sinned. Always be there for us, guiding us to the good, & keeping us from harms way.
P.S: It wasn't really a test. It was just a little quiz, with no marks involved. So, that means, I didn't cheat in the first place!!!! Legally speaking, I didn't do anything criminal! :) It's just the moral thing ...
Still! In my subconscious I knew it was a simple exercise all along! Yes, that's it. I didn't do anything wrong! I'm innocent! I never cheated in my life, & I never will.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
LinkWithin
