Self confidence is one of the most important traits anyone could have. If you have great self confidence, you could easily do everything you want. You won't care what others would say, or do. And if you made a mistake, you won't feel that the world has fallen down on you, & wish to die.
Well, everybody feels down every now & then, even the most confident. What matters is how we rise up from the fall with our prides untouched.
Sometimes, I lack self confidence. I just lose it. Like yesterday, I was in the English class, my number one favorite subject, where I rarely lack confidence, we were doing a little test (or an exercise, I really don't remember) after the teacher explained the "The Reported Speech Rules" & the question was, report the following sentence: The cook says, "Dinner is ready." I thought this is easy, & quickly & confidently jotted the following answer down: The cook says that dinner is ready.
Mrs. Rajee, our teacher was passing around checking our answers, & when she came to me, she didn't say or do anything that lets me know that I'm on the right track. Probably because I haven't really written the whole sentence (the answer) when she came. So she went to the girl sitting next to me, & i think she has written the following: The cook says that dinner was ready. Mrs.Rajee put a sad crying face in her note book. & did the same to girl sitting next. & so on.
I didn't know that that was a crying face, I thought they were correct. My confidence was shaking at that moment. I knew that my answer was correct. I even remembered how Sophie Kinsella always writes reports in the present in her books. That's what I told my classmate, the girl sitting next to me. I really thought the teacher was wrong.
So I got confused, & looked again at my class mate's answer, & decided I should write the same. So I did. And then Mrs.Rajee came back to me, & found two answers (I just couldn't erase the first) so she asked me, which one will I keep, & I got real hesitant, but finally chose the wrong one, so she gave me a crying little face just like the others.
I was sooooo mad at myself. I moaned & grumbled in frustration! I knew I was right! Why did I change the freaking answer! This is the first time it happens to me!
Why? I'll tell you why! It's because I cheated. Yes, I confess, I cheated. It's something I never did in my whole life (except for doing homework & exercises). But I completely forgot that we are supposed to be doing this separately. It was a test! God forgive me for getting low!!! I really despise myself at the moment!
I won't forgive myself, I wish I didn't care about getting the right answer no matter what. True, I really thought it was just an exercise, but even so!
Next time I won't look, nor give anyone answers even when having just an exercise!!! Yes, Miss.Meany is back!!
But, you know, I got a lesson out of that whole incident. a lesson I knew already, but probably needed to re-remember it. Always have faith in yourself. Never falter. Never forget that God is looking after you & whenever you needed him, he's there for you.
God please forgive me, & all of us who have sinned. Always be there for us, guiding us to the good, & keeping us from harms way.
P.S: It wasn't really a test. It was just a little quiz, with no marks involved. So, that means, I didn't cheat in the first place!!!! Legally speaking, I didn't do anything criminal! :) It's just the moral thing ...
Still! In my subconscious I knew it was a simple exercise all along! Yes, that's it. I didn't do anything wrong! I'm innocent! I never cheated in my life, & I never will.