Rambling Thoughts...

Okay...

I don't know... How to describe what I'm going through right now...

I'll just type away what comes out...

I feel happy, sad, and agitated all at the same time??

I feel like crying but with a smile upon my face...

I feel like laying down resting my aching stressed-out body...

But I... *sigh*

I guess, I know what causes these stirs of emotions...

I just refuse to acknowledge it...

It's so sweet... like chocolate...

Too beautiful... too delicious...

But too much of it can leave you sick...

*chokes up*

I hate getting emotional...

I hate it!!! I HATE it!

Damn it, where are the tissues!!

Oh, it's getting hot in here... 

I need some fresh air...

*sniff*sniff*

*****

Why there is so much injustice in this world??

Why do innocent people have to suffer?

More importantly, why do I care???

WHY DO I CARE???

I hate this feeling!! I just feel all choked up and helpless...

There are so many things I wish I could do... 

But I can't... I'm helpless...

I just cry...

And feel even worse...

*****

There is so much beauty in this world...

I don't always see it...

I'm too busy taking it for granted...

The rare moments when I slow down or when I'm hurt...

Is when I realize I missed so much...

I wasted years of my life just not being as productive as I wished...

People shower me with mountains of applause and compliments...

But I don't see justice...

I know I can give out more... 

But I don't...

I'm too afraid...

But why am I so afraid?!!!

What is it that others have and I don't?

I know I am far better than so many, but they have reached far much than I did...

Why???

Am I so slow?

But is it speed I need?

Are we in a race???

Am I being the bunny and they're the tortoise? 

Have I been sleeping my way to success?

Perhaps so...

But my egotistic confidence have long gone...

I'm too confused...

Too scared to move another square...

I might go back to the first again...

*sigh*

*****

I need to have faith...

Keep what's buried under all these demons...

And get even more...

I need to be stronger...

I'm too sick...

Too sick of keeping my eyes shut...

Too sick of these heartaches and anxieties...

Too tired of being too tired...

Great... Now I have a headache...

Hee hee that made me smile...

Okay... 

Enough venting...

*Takes a deep breath*

_________________________________________________________

Image source: Beauty Scars

In Search for the Perfect Cross-Body Bag

My mobile rings.

Unrecognizable number...

The voice on the other line greets: "Hello! Miss Just?"

"Yes?" I reply.

"This is Roccobarroco, maam..."

Oooh, the bag. Maaan! Totally forgot about it! I had reserved a bag a few days ago & now they're calling me to see if I'm going to buy it.

"..., so do you want the bag?"

Thoughts start rushing through my mind & I find myself questioning if I really need this bag or not.

"No, I'm sorry, don't think I can make it..."

"So you want me to cancel your reservation, maam?" Thoughts rushing through my mind again & I wish I could say no.

"Yes, I'm sure."

*****

How many times have you went to a shop "without" the intention to really buy anything, but land on something cute at the very last minute you were to leave the shop? And just at that point, you realize you were looking for that special something, but you just forgot about it! I was at the Avenues the other day, heading to the prayer room, when I passed by Roccobarroco. That's when I realized I should take a look as I've been searching for a cross-body bag for ages now, so I had to ask if they had anything of what I need. I found a few they had but they were either too big or too small, so I prepared myself to leave. Then just as I was about to do so, I saw this amazing bag...

It was of perfect Brown, great leather, & perfect size. The only problem was, it wasn't a cross-body bag!

Immediately, I started doing my calculations, (i.e asking myself, if I really needed it & if it would benefit me, & if I would use it often). When I was done, the result turned out good. Very good actually. I had to ask about the price, & even tried it on "with" my things in. And by things, I mean my mini 11" laptop, which is the essential reason I wanna a specific size cross-body bag to begin with, (so that it can fit my mini laptop without causing me a dislocated shoulder). The results just kept getting better & better. It had multi inside pockets, which is just what I need! I'm sick of having my stuff get jumbled up together, (regardless of how many times I reorganize them!), leaving me frustrated every time I wanna pick something out. So, the bag was really acing every term I'm placing.

So, the bag was basically wining me over. But I didn't get it. Why? Well, 'cause I couldn't afford it.

It wasn't that expensive (cost like 80 K.D), but I'm just nearly broke, & I better be saving not spending at this stage. So, I knew I had to leave it. That's when the saleswoman reminded me of the possibility of reserving it , (I had forgotten about that!). You see, it was clear that I needed such a bag. I mean, even though it wasn't a cross-body bag, when I put my laptop inside, it didn't feel heavy to my shoulder at all. And my shoulder was already aching at that point, but it felt really comfortable with this bag. I even asked her if I can add longer shoulder straps to it later, & she said that it's possible. So, it wasn't a huge problem that it didn't have longer straps. I just wish I had the money to get it. It was the last piece! I even looked for it online & couldn't find it.

But I guess, I still have to look for the perfect cross-body bag...

I'm sure God is saving me a better option (which not only will let me walk freely & comfortably but it won't break my budget!); I just have to keep looking! ;)

*****

___________________________________________________________

• Picture credit unknown; no rights infringement intended.